Misery.

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I spend my days lifelessly counting my blessings, yet doing nothing about them.

I spend my life recklessly dreaming about boys who don’t care, and people who don’t matter.

I wonder how they have the ability to judge my character, yet I allow them to do so, without uttering one word.

Maybe they do speak the truth, yet is the truth worthy of pain?

I have fought, and struggled yet I am not what I wish to be, I am no where near who I wish to be. All I have done is believe in myself, but even the depths of my soul are beginning to lose faith.

I learn more from my failure then from my success. I edge over each milestone and rejoice yet agonise over each obstacle.

I am frustrated, I am frustrated with this fight, I cannot bear it any longer than I have willed myself to, yet I am still here, still strong, still fighting.

I am weary of this confusion. I do not know what my life has become, I do not know who I’ve become and I know that’ll soon be my downfall.

Perhaps I must venture into the unknown, fall into the traps of destruction and rise; rise and seek the root of my misery.

A Letter To The Boy I Love.

 
 
The world is an empty place, left to be lit by people that make you smile with each encounter, that drive you to the brink of insanity with each word, but leave you loving them more than anyone else, each and every time. 

You’ve done that to me.

You’ve taken me for a ride I’ll never recover from. I’ve travelled through a symphony of euphoria, and a cacophony of anguish, only to be left wondering what more to expect.

You’ve transformed me, and left me to myself. You’ve broken me, and never looked back. I blame myself for allowing you to infiltrate the walls that protect my heart, yet I blame you for capturing my soul and refusing to return it.

I’m road-rage, a manic disorder of epic proportions, and you accepted it. You saw the wonder in me, the beauty in the panic and the strength in my cries.

But I’ve changed since the day I met you. 

You have too, a mesmerising yet heartbreaking realisation that I wake up with everyday. I tell myself that you aren’t any different, but I know that you’ll never be the person you were before me.

And I’ll never be the same again. 

I know it’s not much.

But I’ll always love you.

Conquer.

 
Each day, I tend to wind myself a silk web of lies and rest my eyes, as I am weary of this limitless pain. It is an uphill battle, that’s almost impossible to win. 

Yet, I race against time, and I will never accept defeat.

Time has never been my friend, but it’ll never be my enemy. I shall always conquer it, no matter how hard it tries to escape.

We must remember that our lives define us, and if we keep pushing, we will always succeed. 

Time is just an obstacle, it’ll never deter anyone from true success.

I strive for survival in this dog-eat-dog world. It is cruel and daunting, yet completely rewarding, in a twisted way. 

We all have our purpose in this world, and once we’ve fulfilled it, we are at peace. 

But until that day, we must struggle to make a better version of ourselves.

So at the end of each day, when you wish to change who you are, and you wrap yourself in a web of lies, do not hate yourself. 

It is this hatred that stops you. 

Conquer your fears, and become who you truly are.