Accepted.


I’m tired. The world simply is no place for someone that seems to dip into the lows more than highs, that seems to wreck herself and salvage the pieces all in one night.

The world is too strong for people like us, who wither and wilt at the first sign of danger. We’re not ready for what’s about to be thrown at us. I doubt we’d ever be ready.

There is little worth I can bring to my own life. I am stewing in a pot of my own misery, waiting for a day to come by where I’ll get saved.

Yet, I fail to realise that I am my own saving grace, that no knight in shining armour can ever exist and that the world is a deep vat of agony but if I stir long enough, it may change into acceptance.

We’re not always going to be this way, you know?

I think the thicker skin we build, the harder it becomes for people to break our walls. We are nothing but a wall of opinions that we have created by establishing ourselves as slaves to the needs of others.

And I confine myself to these sordid ideals, refusing to own my heart and wear it on my sleeve. Devoid of any emotion.

Haphazard thoughts are the only constant I have left. Maybe, I can understand myself if I think less, talk slower, walk quicker. If I do what they want, I become what they want. I become what I want.

Accepted.

I’m tired. The world is no place for someone who refuses to fit into a version of perfection.

The world is no place for me.

Misery.

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I spend my days lifelessly counting my blessings, yet doing nothing about them.

I spend my life recklessly dreaming about boys who don’t care, and people who don’t matter.

I wonder how they have the ability to judge my character, yet I allow them to do so, without uttering one word.

Maybe they do speak the truth, yet is the truth worthy of pain?

I have fought, and struggled yet I am not what I wish to be, I am no where near who I wish to be. All I have done is believe in myself, but even the depths of my soul are beginning to lose faith.

I learn more from my failure then from my success. I edge over each milestone and rejoice yet agonise over each obstacle.

I am frustrated, I am frustrated with this fight, I cannot bear it any longer than I have willed myself to, yet I am still here, still strong, still fighting.

I am weary of this confusion. I do not know what my life has become, I do not know who I’ve become and I know that’ll soon be my downfall.

Perhaps I must venture into the unknown, fall into the traps of destruction and rise; rise and seek the root of my misery.

A Letter to Myself – 16.

Hi, you.

Can you believe it? You’ve reached 16.
You’ve managed to make it to a place you didn’t think you’d be able to reach, and look at you now.

I know the past few years have been insanely difficult for you, even if people don’t acknowledge your struggle.

You’d been immersed into a battle against your biggest weakness and people mistook that for strength.

You’re good at putting a mask on, aren’t you? You’ve been trying to pull it off of your soul lately, I know you’ve been wanting to open your heart, and it’s been a challenge of sorts.

But you’re strong, and you’ll manage. You’ve got years to go, you do.

You need to stop thinking people don’t love you, because you aren’t as terrible as you believe yourself to be.

You need to stop overthinking in general, it only makes you more anxious than you already are, don’t let your brain destroy you, you are more than a simple worry.

You’re not worthless, you are worth it all. You deserve all the happiness that this life has to give you, and you should use that smile of yours to conquer the world.

You don’t need to worry about life anymore.

Promise me you will not conform to the ideals of society. Promise me you will smile until you can’t smile anymore. Promise me you won’t cry over the smallest things. Promise me you will be happy, you will strive for success and you will never give up.

16, it’s a big deal.

And it’s just the beginning.

Conquer.

 
Each day, I tend to wind myself a silk web of lies and rest my eyes, as I am weary of this limitless pain. It is an uphill battle, that’s almost impossible to win. 

Yet, I race against time, and I will never accept defeat.

Time has never been my friend, but it’ll never be my enemy. I shall always conquer it, no matter how hard it tries to escape.

We must remember that our lives define us, and if we keep pushing, we will always succeed. 

Time is just an obstacle, it’ll never deter anyone from true success.

I strive for survival in this dog-eat-dog world. It is cruel and daunting, yet completely rewarding, in a twisted way. 

We all have our purpose in this world, and once we’ve fulfilled it, we are at peace. 

But until that day, we must struggle to make a better version of ourselves.

So at the end of each day, when you wish to change who you are, and you wrap yourself in a web of lies, do not hate yourself. 

It is this hatred that stops you. 

Conquer your fears, and become who you truly are.