Impulsive.

He’s too shy to tell you. He’s got a heart that blazes for every inch of you, but he will never tell you of how his mind is seeped with thoughts of the sweet nectar that you speak, of the waves that ripple through your hair, of the love that he wants but is too afraid to ask for. 

He’s never going to tell you. You look through your conversations as if this time he’s going to tell you that he loves you but you know those words will never leave his soul. He’s trapped in his own worst fear, and you solemnly acknowledge that even if you say something, he’d never say anything back.

We’re all too scared to tell the people we love how we feel. We’re always hesitating, as if anything bad could ever come from giving love to people instead of the hate that is prevalent in this dismal world. 

Rejection is our only fear, it is the only barrier that keeps us away from bliss and it is tiring. It’s tiring that he won’t tell you how he feels, or that she didn’t kiss you when she had the chance, because what if we stop being friends? What if the whole world finds out?

It’s as though letting people know our happiness is a disaster, but it seems to have become so, and there’s nothing we can do. As though life could end if people found out about the truth, as though there’s a death wish in being passionate. 

There is nothing and no one that can discount your feelings except for you, because when will you realise that love is fickle but it’s meant to be, and if you don’t say something now, you probably never will. 

It’s never been difficult to be impulsive in anger. Why should it be difficult in brazen, unapologetic and beautiful love? 

It shouldn’t. 

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Accepted.


I’m tired. The world simply is no place for someone that seems to dip into the lows more than highs, that seems to wreck herself and salvage the pieces all in one night.

The world is too strong for people like us, who wither and wilt at the first sign of danger. We’re not ready for what’s about to be thrown at us. I doubt we’d ever be ready.

There is little worth I can bring to my own life. I am stewing in a pot of my own misery, waiting for a day to come by where I’ll get saved.

Yet, I fail to realise that I am my own saving grace, that no knight in shining armour can ever exist and that the world is a deep vat of agony but if I stir long enough, it may change into acceptance.

We’re not always going to be this way, you know?

I think the thicker skin we build, the harder it becomes for people to break our walls. We are nothing but a wall of opinions that we have created by establishing ourselves as slaves to the needs of others.

And I confine myself to these sordid ideals, refusing to own my heart and wear it on my sleeve. Devoid of any emotion.

Haphazard thoughts are the only constant I have left. Maybe, I can understand myself if I think less, talk slower, walk quicker. If I do what they want, I become what they want. I become what I want.

Accepted.

I’m tired. The world is no place for someone who refuses to fit into a version of perfection.

The world is no place for me.

A Letter to Myself – 16.

Hi, you.

Can you believe it? You’ve reached 16.
You’ve managed to make it to a place you didn’t think you’d be able to reach, and look at you now.

I know the past few years have been insanely difficult for you, even if people don’t acknowledge your struggle.

You’d been immersed into a battle against your biggest weakness and people mistook that for strength.

You’re good at putting a mask on, aren’t you? You’ve been trying to pull it off of your soul lately, I know you’ve been wanting to open your heart, and it’s been a challenge of sorts.

But you’re strong, and you’ll manage. You’ve got years to go, you do.

You need to stop thinking people don’t love you, because you aren’t as terrible as you believe yourself to be.

You need to stop overthinking in general, it only makes you more anxious than you already are, don’t let your brain destroy you, you are more than a simple worry.

You’re not worthless, you are worth it all. You deserve all the happiness that this life has to give you, and you should use that smile of yours to conquer the world.

You don’t need to worry about life anymore.

Promise me you will not conform to the ideals of society. Promise me you will smile until you can’t smile anymore. Promise me you won’t cry over the smallest things. Promise me you will be happy, you will strive for success and you will never give up.

16, it’s a big deal.

And it’s just the beginning.

A Letter To The Boy I Love.

 
 
The world is an empty place, left to be lit by people that make you smile with each encounter, that drive you to the brink of insanity with each word, but leave you loving them more than anyone else, each and every time. 

You’ve done that to me.

You’ve taken me for a ride I’ll never recover from. I’ve travelled through a symphony of euphoria, and a cacophony of anguish, only to be left wondering what more to expect.

You’ve transformed me, and left me to myself. You’ve broken me, and never looked back. I blame myself for allowing you to infiltrate the walls that protect my heart, yet I blame you for capturing my soul and refusing to return it.

I’m road-rage, a manic disorder of epic proportions, and you accepted it. You saw the wonder in me, the beauty in the panic and the strength in my cries.

But I’ve changed since the day I met you. 

You have too, a mesmerising yet heartbreaking realisation that I wake up with everyday. I tell myself that you aren’t any different, but I know that you’ll never be the person you were before me.

And I’ll never be the same again. 

I know it’s not much.

But I’ll always love you.

Conquer.

 
Each day, I tend to wind myself a silk web of lies and rest my eyes, as I am weary of this limitless pain. It is an uphill battle, that’s almost impossible to win. 

Yet, I race against time, and I will never accept defeat.

Time has never been my friend, but it’ll never be my enemy. I shall always conquer it, no matter how hard it tries to escape.

We must remember that our lives define us, and if we keep pushing, we will always succeed. 

Time is just an obstacle, it’ll never deter anyone from true success.

I strive for survival in this dog-eat-dog world. It is cruel and daunting, yet completely rewarding, in a twisted way. 

We all have our purpose in this world, and once we’ve fulfilled it, we are at peace. 

But until that day, we must struggle to make a better version of ourselves.

So at the end of each day, when you wish to change who you are, and you wrap yourself in a web of lies, do not hate yourself. 

It is this hatred that stops you. 

Conquer your fears, and become who you truly are.